


Aaron and Kai making me feel shit

by Monaskai



Category: Me - Fandom
Language: Bosanski
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-02-26
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:42:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29712513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Monaskai/pseuds/Monaskai





	Aaron and Kai making me feel shit

Too light. Scarlet eyes fluttered open in dull, greyish light. Tangled sheets shuffled aside as Aaron placed a hand on his chest. Grogginess eased into confusion. Gloved fingers searched the bed for the tiny form, coming away with nothing. Aaron’s elbow nudged something soft, rolling over to see the stuffed tiger placed where Kai should have been. It’s rumbled fur creased as Aaron caressed it’s dirty face. One of its button eyes was coming loose. He’d have to try to sew it.

But first, where the hell was the brat it belonged to?

“Kai?” Aaron rasped, voice laden with sleep.

Not a peep.

A bolt of fear struck him. Aaron slid out of the covers, heading out into their cramped living space. He hated not knowing where the kid was. Sometimes Kai would scamper off to hell knows where doing hell knows what. Aaron would be a nervous wreck until he’d checked the boy for wounds and assured that mischievous personality was still intact. 

“Kai?”

Aaron bit his lip, tearing through the apartment. No where. He’d ran off again and who knew when he’d be back? Aaron cursed himself, fumbling through the drawers for a cigarette. Fingers trembled as the poisonous stick rose to his lips, having to flick the lighter five times before it sparked. Smoke assaulted his throat and lungs as the briefest spurt of relief sunk into him. Red eyes searched one more time, racking his mind.

It was then he noticed the bathroom door was closed.

With a loud sigh, Aaron snuffed the cigarette out. He kicked the wood with his foot, arms crossed over his chest.

“Kai, open the fucking door.”

Nothing.

Aaron growled when he heard shuffling.

“Kai.”

The knob twisted when he was refused another response. Aaron jumped back when the door slammed shut, jaw setting. Shouldering it open, the wood flung aside as Aaron tried to get his bearings, gaze settling on the small form curled up in the bathtub.

“You have a bed,” Aaron rolled his eyes. “Get out of there.”

Kai didn’t budge. His ashy streaked head didn’t even raise. Anxiety sent him forward, hand pressed against a clammy, cold forehead. Aaron cupped the boy’s cheek and raised him, terror shooting through him. Kai was paler than milk, rich skin devoid of life. Was he sick? How did he not notice? Fuck, how could he get medicine? Afford medicine? Aaron sucked in a sharp breath, tapping Kai’s cheek.

“Kai,” Aaron was almost pleading. “Kai, look at me.”

One turquoise eye peeled open before it slid shut. Aaron latched onto him, hauling Kai out of the tub into his arms. The small boy curled instinctively, crossing his arms across his body. Aaron shushed him, standing and turning. Blankets. Kai needed blankets. Aaron glanced down at the floor where a towel had been knocked down. He grabbed it as a preliminary cover.

Until he saw dark scarlet drying on pink fabric.

Sheer terror. Aaron sprinted to lay the tiny, fuzzy headed boy on the couch. Kai slowly curled away from him, hugging himself close. A weak growl filled the air with Aaron’s pounding heart, shaking hands sliding up and down his body. Desperately searching for any wound.

“You fucking idiot,” Aaron’s voice was high, climbing even higher. “How many times have I told you not to go wandering off?!”

Kai winced quietly when Aaron moved an arm from his chest, hissing as fingers closed around the thin wrist. Immediately, eyes went to his stomach, expecting a pool of blood to be seeping out. Instead, he noticed bright pink irritants on Kai’s wrists. Aaron gingerly took one, turning it over.

His stomach dropped, the world pulled out from under his feet.

Large, jagged, uneven and unpracticed lines sliced up and down previously unblemished skin. What should have been the color of toffee was branded a horrible blackened red, bright pink at the edges. Burned scabs closed the harsh wounds as Aaron felt the first tears drip down his cheek. He slowly set down Kai’s left arm, rolling the right over. Air was ripped from his lungs. How the right could have been more brutalized, Aaron couldn’t fathom?

“K-kai…? Wh… why?”

Turquoise eyes were lifeless. Kai brought his wrists to his chest, closing his eyes again. Aaron couldn’t touch him, the scars along his own arms highlighted in some sick, twisted painting. Guilt tore apart his throat as fat tears fell from stinging eyes. Kai’s fingertips were ashy and bloodstained. Aaron wanted to vomit. He’d burned his own wounds shut. He burned his cuts shut-

“What the fuck…?” Aaron giggled. “Kai, what the fuck?”

Small hands reached out as dead eyes squinted. Aaron couldn’t bring himself to touch the boy. Somehow. Somehow Kai had seen. Kai had known. He should have known better. Kai was too smart to be fooled with “street fight injuries”. Which meant… which meant he taught the little thing that. 

Aaron did that to him.

“N-no… no mad… Kai?”

Aaron sunk to his knees, hyperventilating. Scorching tears assaulted his raw cheeks, eyes gushing salty tears. He hid his face in his own horrifically scarred arms, sobbing uncontrollably. How could he ruin everything? Taking in Kai was supposed to be a reason to keep going, and he couldn’t even properly manage that. He was poisoning the only thing he even loved in the world. He was going to kill the kid with him. Aaron hiccuped, wet sniffs clogging his nose, fighting to breathe. Shoulders shook violently when he felt a tug at his hair. A hand slid down his head, plopping onto a couch cushion.

“K-kai’s… bad…?”

He’d even managed to snuff out his wild personality. Snuff it out like the ashes coating his fingertips. Kai was reduced to a middling pile of lifeless energy, struggling to string words together when all he seemed to be able to do was spew them. Aaron couldn’t face him. Not after what he’d done. How could he ever claim to love this kid again? How could he even take care of him again? He couldn’t even do that now-!

“Daddy…?”

“Don’t call me that-!”

Kai’s flinch was louder than shattering glass.

Weak mewling cries shoved the broken pieces down his throat.

Aaron was forced to gather him in his arms again. Kai’s weak body was racked with sputtering cries. Feeble questions assaulted Aaron worse than knives had ruined Kai. All he could manage to do was curl around the boy and hold him close. Tears were beginning to dry up, unable to take much more of the heartbreak. He wasn’t worthy of this kid. He never had been. Why had he even tried…?

“A-aaron-! H-hurts…”

Aaron couldn’t stomach looking at his wrists, the knowledge that he’d had to bandage them hanging over his head like a noose. “I know.”

“M-momma…”

“... You hurt yourself because you miss your mom?” Aaron forced out.

“H-helps Aaron…”

“No, it doesn’t,” Aaron snapped, startling the kid again. “It doesn’t fucking do anything.”

Kai’s eyes slid down, staring at his own wounds. “... felt better.”

“NO,” Aaron shouted, tilting Kai’s head up to look him in the eye. “No. Don’t you ever fucking do this again-!”

Tears flooded turquoise eyes as Aaron squeezed him. His mouth opened once before the cries overwhelmed him.

“Do you hear me?! Don’t you dare do this again! Or I’ll… I’ll…”

You’ll do what, Aaron? Send him away? Damage him even worse than you’ve already fucked him up? What, you wanna tear him away from his second family? His only dad? Wanna make him as fucking miserable as you?

“S-sorry…!”

You should give him to Nanako. She’d do better than you any day.

“M-mad…?”

How dare you even think you could take care of him or love him when you don’t even know what those things are.

“M-mad?” a note of desperation. “N-not… keep Kai? Keep Kai??”

Just kill yourself. He’d be fine without you.

Cries. “Pl-please-!”

He’ll forget about you anyway.

Aaron quietly stood, carrying Kai back to the bathroom. The little kid was placed upon the counter, pleading with him the entire time. Without a word, Aaron wrapped bandages. He’d have to give the kid up. He couldn’t keep him anymore. He shouldn’t have had him in the first place. Should’ve walked away. Kai could have made a better life for himself without Aaron involved. What had he even done? Traumatized him worse? Ruined him? Gave him terrible habits?

“A-aaron-!”

He carried Kai back to his bed, placing him down. Kai lunged for him when Aaron set his tiger in his arms. Broken sobs followed him out as Kai tried to crawl after him. The door shut as caterwauling screams broke out, full of terror and fear. Aaron cleaned the mess Kai left mechanically, barely processing the blood. He couldn’t. Knowing his kid… not his kid. He didn’t deserve that right. 

A thump echoed out from somewhere. Aaron jerked back to life, hurrying out. Panic shot through him to see Kai sinking into the doorway, head against the frame. Droopy, blurry eyes failed to focus as Aaron snagged him, a head colliding with where his heart beat, broken and unsure. Aaron gritted his teeth.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“A-a-a-aar-aaron-!”

“What?”

Kai clung and he finally realized what he’d done.

“You can call me dad,” Aaron’s voice broke. “I’m still your dad…”

Sniffles. Aaron carried him back into the bedroom. Kai’s tiger had flopped onto the floor, a mess of sheets and blankets with it where he’d fallen out of bed. Silently, he picked up the toy and placed it back, rearranging everything. A small arm locked around his neck. With all the care in the world, Aaron placed Kai in the thickest mound of fabric. His skin was still cold and clammy. Aaron’s heart shattered when Kai immediately broke into tears as he pulled back.

Dark circles hung under his eyes, face still pale. Aaron hung back before finally giving in. Kai dragged himself into his chest with his tiger. Arms stayed back, unsure. The kid was practically begging to be held. Aaron couldn’t muster the strength. Not until Kai decimated whatever left of his heart.

“H-hates Kai-!”

“No,” arms locked around a body that shook like a leaf. “No one hates Kai.”

“Aaron hates Kai!”

“No.”

“Mm-!”

“I love you,” Aaron whispered. “And I love you way too fucking much.”

“Nn-!”

“I promise.”

“Da… Aaron…”

It took every ounce of effort to kiss the kid’s forehead, nuzzling soft fluffy hair. “You can call me dad. It’s okay. I’m sorry I shouted.”

Silence other than cries.

“... You scared me. That’s it. I still love you. Right now, I’ll just hold you.”

“D… Mn….”

Yeah.

He’d lost the right to hear Kai call him that.

Aaron clutched the boy and cried with him.


End file.
